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So then you are left with two questions. Should I do the necessary yard work to keep my yard looking nice and presentable, or should I neglect my yard and buy a broken down truck motor for the front yard to go with weeds and complete the redneck ensemble? Preferably, I would rather go with the first of the two, but why does it have to suck so badly? Well, now that the Awesome Auger is out, I guess I can at least cut some of the “work” time out simply by using this little guy to weed, dig and till. No longer do I have to break a sweat by bending over to dig holes for shrubs and flowers or get cuts in my hands from pulling weeds or even hurting my lower back (runs in my family) by manually tilling the ground. This thing does all this and more. I could write volumes about how many uses I could come up with for this truly awesome, Awesome Auger, but I suggest you just get one and find out for your self how easy it is to use and how much more free time you might find you have on your off days. Here is to cat napping in the back yard and not having to “work” on your weekend.

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Well, in most cases, but in this case, it’s the participants in the commercial for BRAINIACS, as teeny-boppers get all emotional and giggly because they’ve managed to memorize the square root of an incredibly complex problem.

Let me state going into this, I have tutored for many years, and I absolutely love any program that helps kids learn advanced math concepts and helps them to master basic memorization. And at the same time, I absolutely was annoyed to no end by this commercial. Sorry, just no fan of shrieking girls, even when they’re shrieking over the value of pi.

Other little things annoyed me, too. For instance, when the announcer talked about “squaring a 3 digit number in your head without a calculator.” Umm, as opposed to squaring it in your head WITH a calculator? If you used a calculator, doesn’t that mean it wasn’t in your head? And doesn’t that mean, therefore, that this statement by a man advertising an educational product was redundant?

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But by far, the part that annoyed me most was when the man asked a classroom how much is 61 divided by 91, and he applauded when a boy said. 6,703,296. That’s fine—except it’s wrong. It’s .6703297 (if you’re rounding up). Not griping about the 6 instead of the 7 as the lack of the decimal.

Guess the producer of the commercial just forgot. Guess he needs BRAINETICS.

Outstanding product—REALLY bad commercial.

Like many people, one of my pet peeves are people who dress up their dogs in human clothing. He’s not a human, so why do we try so hard to pretend he is? Especially when the dog hates it so much.

I’ll say one thing for the DOG PEDIC SLEEPING SYSTEM, which I just saw advertised on a late-night commercial: At least this is one case where the dog loves being treated like a human. Even if it is still–well, weird. Here’s the concept. You’ve seen those adjustable mattresses for people, right? The ones with “memory foam” that adjust according to each person’s body? Take that, chop the mattress down to “doggy size” and produce a memory-foam mattress for Fido. That’s what you have with Dog Pedic.

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My mother is such a huge animal lover, that of course, both of her basset hounds sleep inside on her bed with her. Or they did, until she heard about Dog Pedic. Now they each sleep on their own “bed.” But still in her room. Is there any room really cut out for three mattresses, doggy-sized or not?

When the commercial says, “You sleep soundly in a comfortable bed, but what about your best friend?” my response is, “My best friend sleeps better than most of his family. You know, the wolves and wild dogs who sleep out in the forest at night?”

One other amusing fact about this commercial: I don’t know if there are different sizes of Dog Pedic mattresses or not, but clearly they have not yet produced one St. Bernard size….since that dog in their commercial looks like he could fall off the Dog Pedic at any moment. But it could be worse: He could be sleeping in the Alaska snow, where his brothers and sisters are.

I was half right. It turns out SHOCK IT CLEAN is an incredible cleaning product that makes cleaning every bit as fast and easy as the commercial claims..But it turns out that I was right about the commercial itself: Corny with a capital “C.’

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Let’s start with the opening premises: We’re supposedly watching the newest episode of “Amazing Discoveries.” Really? Where, pray tell, can I find other episodes devoted to other inventions? Is there an “Amazing Discoveries” DVD available? Best of “Amazing Discoveries” on a cable website? Nah, didn’t think so.

Then let’s talk about the claim that it’s “literally going to shock you.” Literally? That means you’re not using the word “shock” in a figurative sense. So if I touch this product, I’ll get 100,000 volts rushing through my body?

They brag about the product’s “cucumber melon scent.” MMMMMM, cucumber melon. I plan to plant a new crop of cucumber melons next summer if anyone wants some.

Maybe the corniest part is “Professor Amos” who supposedly invented this product and who talks just like you’d expect an “Amos” to talk. “Hey lookie here, Honey!”

Finally, we see a scene of a man buying a store cleaner for what looks like the nation’s entire reserve of one-dollar bills.

SHOCK IT CLEAN: It shocks your home clean, but its commercial shocks the thinking person’s sensibilities.

Titan peeler

And now we have the Titan Peeler. “Titan” means “giant; big and powerful.” So of course, one of the selling points of Titan Peeler is that it’s so….SMALL and easy-to-handle. Makes perfect sense in infomercial-land.

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This is one of several infomercial items I have personally bought. I did it because I’m lazy and Titan Peeler does a great job of slicing and peeling things in considerably less time. But I bought it before I saw the commercial. Good thing, because the commercial would not have caused me to buy.

For starters, I’m insulted by their having this guy with an Australian accent promoting the product. In fact, more and more people think that British or Australian accents are good for selling food products. Am I, because I’m American, considered inept in the kitchen? (I’m a total expert with the microwave).

But the one part of the commercial that I like is the question that opens it: “Do you want to peel and slice vegetables in an instant?” To which I reply, “No, I don’t want to peel and slice them at all.”

But since NOT peeling them is not an option, doing it faster is better than nothing. And that’s why I love the Titan Peeler. Because laziness is my curse.

Do you have a bird watcher on your Christmas gift list? Yeah, neither do I. But if I did I know what I would get them. The Optic 1050 does seem like quite the deal. I used to do a bit of hunting and at one point was looking for a good pair of binoculars to help see game, but decided against it due to the seemingly outrageous prices. So maybe I can use the Optic 1050 set for that, oh wait, I don’t hunt anymore, dang. What can I use these 1000x  magnification binoculars for?

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Well my nephew is getting to the age where I can take him hiking, and a good pair of binoculars that wont break in the hands of a 5 year old could be a good thing when we are trying to look at the islands off the coast. Ok, this seems like a valid reason for me. Heck, for less then 20 bucks, I am getting the binoculars that let me see up to 35 miles (crazy to think about I know) a mini set of binoculars (I am sure I can gift those away some how) and, what’s this? A Spy Scope. How awesome sounding is that? Ok, not really, but I know that my nephew will run around for hours looking at everything through the little telescope, ugh I mean spy scope that I just gave him. The smile on his face is so worth it. Plus, I hear that bird watching is the number one growing form of recreation in the U.S. So maybe I should jump on that bandwagon for a bit.

DOTZA

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Granted one can make some pretty cool designs and be all artsy when it comes to putting pen/ pencil or whatever medium you use, to paper. But I don’t really see the value in something like that doesn’t give you everything you are paying for. Lets face it; you are paying for a faulty marker. But maybe I should digress a bit here. If we were to go back and pay attention to the infomercial, you might be surprised to find that there aren’t any Picassos or Van Goghs in the background. These are kids and kids have imaginations.

Who am I to put down the fun that they are having. True, I do not think that it would have been something I would have enjoyed as a child, I was more of play outside kind of kid that loathed the moment the street lights came on. Nonetheless, in this video game playing, be who you want to be, and its hard on kids self esteem to be picked last for sports teams kinda world, these Dotza markers are a welcomed substitute to sitting in front of the TV at my sisters house. I just wonder how easy they would be to scrub off the walls.

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Maybe I just stay up too late, but I was sure when I saw a commercial for something called “Mister Steamy,” I was in for something that bordered on porn. How wrong I was.

Actually,Mister Steamy seems like a handy product for getting the wrinkles out of your clothes without ironing. But the commercial–once again we have rampant stupidity on display by the people in the ad.

Of course you wouldn’t dry your clothes with an iron or iron your clothes with a dryer. Pretty sure that part is common sense. If someone does do this, they are probably not seeing this commercial anyway, because they are doubtless washing their clothes in their television.

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I’m also pretty sure no one irons their clothes in their dryer because that would bring about some serious safety concerns. My favorite comparison in the commercial is when they say the sheets will come out hotel smooth. Am I the only one who feels that hotel sheets are the last thing I want my hotel sheets to be like? (Maybe I just stay at the wrong hotel. What, Motel 6 is not 5 Star?). Hotel sheets are disgusting and very uncomfortable. Those that are smooth are smooth because they are actually made out of cardboard.

It’s also very funny that they display words after every sentence they say. Is it really necessary to show the last words of every sentence? After watching the commercial for 20 seconds or more the words popping up everywhere becomes very annoying. Also do they really need to show fifteen different people putting the ball in the drying and pulling out nice smooth shirts? I think after the first time seeing it I figured out that you just put the ball into the front like you would your clothes and then take the clothes out afterward.

This commercial is so repetitive that it is a chore to watch all the way through. The product is great; it’s one my wife uses regularly, and she swears by it. Maybe she can even get a job at a hotel thanks to her newfound secret.

Best-selling author and infomercial pitchman Kevin Trudeau, 47, is shown here leaving a Chicago court yesterday after Judge Robert Gettleman, who was barraged by e-mails from Trudeau  supporters, sentenced him to 30 days in jail and fined him $50,000 for contempt of court.

Trudeau’s attorneys filed an emergency appeal Wednesday night, but Trudeau has been ordered to turn himself in this afternoon.

You can watch the video HERE.

Cardio Twister is meant for both mean and women…..but as this commercial demonstrates, it’s hard for a man to “twist” his way to fitness and still look macho. Something just looks positively unmanly in those twisty moes they perform.

Cardio Twister, by the way, is an outstanding device that my niece uses regularly. It’s this thing you step up on and using the handles, you–well, you twist. Great way to shed pounds. But guys–you’ll want to use it inside, where you can’t be seen. Not like the idiot in this commercial who moved this thing outside right by his swimming pool (Bad idea, not only because his neighbors can watch, but because one wrong twist would throw him in the water).

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Still, the infomercial does its best to try to appeal to the guy. It starts with a single male in the front row surrounded by women on both sides. Hey, forget the twisting, this is any man’s fantasy, right? Well, except for the fact that the gym where they’re twisting looks like a disco straight out of the 1970s. They should twist to the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive,” and the effect would be complete.

One thing I really don’t get. At the end of the commercial, they announce that if you “order now,” they’ll also send you a DVD showing how to twist.

Hmm…..How hard can it be to twist your body back and forth? Why the need for an instructional DVD? And if it’s really that hard, what about the poor people who don’t “call now,” but wait a week? Will they be forever looking at their new Cardio Twister, not knowing how to use it?

It could be a dilemma for eaven the macho-est of macho men.