Pitchmen TV

So when I heard that the name of a new cleaning product was SHOCK IT CLEAN, I knew it would be a lousy product and I knew it would have the corniest infomercial possible.

I was half right. It turns out SHOCK IT CLEAN is an incredible cleaning product that makes cleaning every bit as fast and easy as the commercial claims..But it turns out that I was right about the commercial itself: Corny with a capital “C.’

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Let’s start with the opening premises: We’re supposedly watching the newest episode of “Amazing Discoveries.” Really? Where, pray tell, can I find other episodes devoted to other inventions? Is there an “Amazing Discoveries” DVD available? Best of “Amazing Discoveries” on a cable website? Nah, didn’t think so.

Then let’s talk about the claim that it’s “literally going to shock you.” Literally? That means you’re not using the word “shock” in a figurative sense. So if I touch this product, I’ll get 100,000 volts rushing through my body?

They brag about the product’s “cucumber melon scent.” MMMMMM, cucumber melon. I plan to plant a new crop of cucumber melons next summer if anyone wants some.

Maybe the corniest part is “Professor Amos” who supposedly invented this product and who talks just like you’d expect an “Amos” to talk. “Hey lookie here, Honey!”

Finally, we see a scene of a man buying a store cleaner for what looks like the nation’s entire reserve of one-dollar bills.

SHOCK IT CLEAN: It shocks your home clean, but its commercial shocks the thinking person’s sensibilities.

I’m always fascinated by the names they give to products that are sold on those late-night infomercials. For instance, do you remember the GINSU KNIFE? I’m positive that no American knows what ‘ginsu” means, but just think it sounds Japanese. And for some reason, maybe pertaining to samurais and ninjas, we think of sharp blades when we think of Ginsus. There was also the Veg-a-Matic, which did indeed slice vegetables, but since it was totally hand-powered, there was nothing automatic about it.

Titan peeler

And now we have the Titan Peeler. “Titan” means “giant; big and powerful.” So of course, one of the selling points of Titan Peeler is that it’s so….SMALL and easy-to-handle. Makes perfect sense in infomercial-land.

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This is one of several infomercial items I have personally bought. I did it because I’m lazy and Titan Peeler does a great job of slicing and peeling things in considerably less time. But I bought it before I saw the commercial. Good thing, because the commercial would not have caused me to buy.

For starters, I’m insulted by their having this guy with an Australian accent promoting the product. In fact, more and more people think that British or Australian accents are good for selling food products. Am I, because I’m American, considered inept in the kitchen? (I’m a total expert with the microwave).

But the one part of the commercial that I like is the question that opens it: “Do you want to peel and slice vegetables in an instant?” To which I reply, “No, I don’t want to peel and slice them at all.”

But since NOT peeling them is not an option, doing it faster is better than nothing. And that’s why I love the Titan Peeler. Because laziness is my curse.

Optic 1050 Binoculars Infomercial Review

Do you have a bird watcher on your Christmas gift list? Yeah, neither do I. But if I did I know what I would get them. The Optic 1050 does seem like quite the deal. I used to do a bit of hunting and at one point was looking for a good pair of binoculars to help see game, but decided against it due to the seemingly outrageous prices. So maybe I can use the Optic 1050 set for that, oh wait, I don’t hunt anymore, dang. What can I use these 1000x  magnification binoculars for?

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Well my nephew is getting to the age where I can take him hiking, and a good pair of binoculars that wont break in the hands of a 5 year old could be a good thing when we are trying to look at the islands off the coast. Ok, this seems like a valid reason for me. Heck, for less then 20 bucks, I am getting the binoculars that let me see up to 35 miles (crazy to think about I know) a mini set of binoculars (I am sure I can gift those away some how) and, what’s this? A Spy Scope. How awesome sounding is that? Ok, not really, but I know that my nephew will run around for hours looking at everything through the little telescope, ugh I mean spy scope that I just gave him. The smile on his face is so worth it. Plus, I hear that bird watching is the number one growing form of recreation in the U.S. So maybe I should jump on that bandwagon for a bit.